I'm back

     I haven't written a blog entry in nearly two months.  It's not that I haven't wanted to, it's more than I've been unable to.  My inability is not due to a lack of anything to say.  On the contrary, I have too much to say.  The truth is, however, that I'm afraid to say it.  There are too many people that could potentially be hurt by what's going on in my head.  Additionally, there are too many people who would be more than willing to judge.
     If there's one thing in life I can't stand, it's people who are judgmental.  Everyone's life is unique and different.  I believe in free will.  We've had it from the beginning of time; why do you think Adam chose to eat from the tree of knowledge?  I must admit that I don't always make the best decisions.  However, I am aware of the difference between right and wrong, honesty and dishonesty, etc.  Therefore, when I make what some would say is a "bad" decision, it's usually for some purpose, usually for the sake of experimentation.
     Certain people in my life constantly try to advise me on how to "solve" certain issues in my life.  They usually are offended or upset when I don't follow this advice.  Even when I ask for advice, however, I'm not always doing so with the intention of following it.  Occasionally I just want someone else's opinion.  Sometimes I just want to see how making the "incorrect" choice will affect myself and the person or people involved.  Seeing the way it affects me is part of a mission I've been on for some time now.  That mission is to discover who I truly am.  I know that many times I'm simply too nice.  I seem to have convinced myself that by not being so nice, I can recreate myself and be happier.  This is not only the case.
     Nevertheless, I've been experimenting more and more with different solutions to different life problems.  I wish I could be more specific, but herein lies the problem with a blog: it's too public.  To properly purge my brain of what's happening inside it I would have to get out my old friends, the pen and paper, and keep it all to myself.  Maybe when some time passes I'll be able to say what I want to say at the moment.  It's just a disappointment that time also changes perspective.
     As ambiguous as that was, this is my return to blogging.  Hopefully there will be more to come.